See also: 3 Months in Beijing and APEC Blue Skies
As the weekend drew to a close and inevitably Monday came out of nowhere (not that I do much on Mondays) I got to thinking about my recent mood swings. That ‘home sickness’ that I wrote about previously, is a completely new feeling to me. I lived here, there and everywhere and never had a problem. Yet here I am, half way across the world in the land of emperors thinking ‘what the hell am I doing here?’
Before coming to Beijing, encouraged by many I did not have any expectations and was ready to go with an open mind. “I’m going to enjoy it for what it is and not what it could be”, I said. Those words instilled in me evaporated at some point and it wasn’t on the way here. So I know now that the issue lays here, in Beijing and I need to get to he bottom of it.
Those who know me, know I’m the happiest person around. I always see a positive in the worst of situations. This is far from ‘worse’ though. Like anything else, it has its flaws. London has its flaws, but the good outweighs the ugly there. I do not see that happening here.
There. I Said it.
I’ve heard of that honeymoon faze for the first 6 months of living abroad. Well that honeymoon was like a weekend bender and I see myself heading for divorce already. So after opening up to some of the wonderful souls I left behind in the UK and I miss dearly, I’ve got some courage.
I always saw myself as a strong independent person. Funny that. Thrown way out of my comfort zone I’ve come to realise that it’s not all me me me. What I left behind was a wonderful support system of loving, selfless the most inspiring and devoted friends. I am grateful that they are there, miles away but here for me.
Having realised that now allowed me to embrace this situation from another angle. They are there and I am here and I need to make this happen. Meeting tons of people is fun, yet exhausting. It takes time to find ‘your kind of people’ but I know it can be done. So I’ll work on it.
Plenty of free time allows for a lot of thinking. And Netflix. I have all the time to start new TV series every couple of days. How come I didn’t try ‘Orange is the New Black’ earlier? Who allowed this happen? Either way, I need less of that. You’d think I’d blog more as well, and I should. So I promise.
I miss being busy. Therefore, I have decided to find a meaning for my Chinese existence. I’m now hunting for an internship to make the most of my time here in Beijing. I loved my busy lifestyle in London and bound to recreate that here. I’ll feel more myself.
Beijing is a wonderful city, I know that. It just takes time to crack it and I’ve got plenty of that. So with that signature grin on my face I’ll get in there and do some real world PR. It’s a new place and it can be whatever I want it to be, so I shall get creative.
Did I mention the nightlife? First class… More about that next time. I just needed to let it all out this time round.